In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
