i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
