True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
