If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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