I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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