Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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