maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
