I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
