he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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