What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
