I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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