I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
