can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
