They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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