Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
