So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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