Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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