so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
