the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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