What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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