im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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