She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
