so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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