I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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