its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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