hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
