I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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