There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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