You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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