none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
