It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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