There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
