I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you still have your period?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
