um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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