You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
