He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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