Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
