your thong is hanging out like whoa
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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