my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
