There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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