I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
