absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
