peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
