A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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