I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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