I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
