i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
