Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
