$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
