Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
