hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
