if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
