addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
