is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
