Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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