If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
