Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
