Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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